I sat quietly in an alcove at the imaging center, still dressed in the ill-fitting gown I had donned before having my annual mammogram. It has been three years since my last one. The first two years after my breast cancer treatments ended, my doctor ordered a breast MRI in leu of the mammogram. I had almost forgotten the extreme discomfort of enduring the pressure of the mammogram machine. I survived. Now, sitting here, waiting for the doctor to read the X-rays, I felt the beats of my heart increase. Why is it taking so long? I looked around and suddenly tears stung my eyes and smeared my cheeks. I began to cry. The longer I sat in the alcove, the more my body quietly shook with sobs. This was the same room I sat in when I was first diagnosed! My spirit was on edge, thinking that any minute now, they would call me into a private room and tell me there is something suspicious on the X-ray. I rummaged in my handbag for a tissue and dried my eyes as I prayed from the deep place within me. I called my oldest daughter, sharing my anxiety and asked her to pray. She promised and assured me everything would be fine.

“Mrs. Chapko?” A voice called from around the corner.

I rose quickly, gathered my things, and followed her into the small room I was dreading.

She looked down at the report she held. In her soft voice, she explained that the results were normal and I was good for another year.

I covered my face with my hands and allowed my cries to escape. Relief flooded over me, washing away the PTSD I had experienced. I heard her ask if I was okay and all I could do was nod. She told me to take my time getting dressed and if I needed anything to let her know. When the door closed behind her, I dried my puffy eyes and changed back into my pink-flowered top. I tossed the unflattering gown into the assigned bin, and exited the room.

In my car, I turned on the air conditioning, exhaled,and texted NORMAL to my daughter. She replied, TOLD YOU SO! I smiled and prayed, thanking God for His loving watch-care over me. As I drove the short distance home, I looked forward to seeing the joy on my husband’s face when I gave him the good news.

I look back on the experience and I realize that I needed to release the fear of recurrence. Being in the same building and same room from three years ago, helped me to recognize the fear and allow God to handle it. He is always there and I can trust Him to help me through trials, fears, or cancer. He was there for me in 2020, and whatever the future holds, God will be there too.

If you are experiencing fear associated with breast cancer, you might find my devotional, “Cancer Courage Christ” helpful. It is available on Amazon.