One year ago today, August 8, 2024, I was told by my doctor that my breast cancer from 2020 had metastasized to my neck, liver, and sacrum. It was a severe blow to my everyday life, thinking I had beaten cancer and had normalized my daily living as a cancer conqueror.

The past year put me on a new path beginning with new medications, more testing, lots of new terminology I never want to learn, and stepping out further in my faith than I had ever gone before. When the first plan of daily pills and monthly injections failed to halt the cancer, even allowing a new tumor to develop, I was switched to a very aggressive chemo drug. five months later, my liver was clear on the CT scan and my tumor marker went down to two points above remission. I was praising God and celebrating His healing. I was certain that the following month would be favorable and I would go on maintenance.

My new lab work revealed an elevated tumor marker number higher than when I first started. my emotions tumbled and I felt that all the previous month’s work and pain had been for naught. I was back to square one. Now I’m about to begin another treatment. It will consist of a new pill twice a day, injections each month, and radiation to my sacrum (10 total treatments). I poured my heart out to God. Was this His plan? Had I heard Him wrong when He assured me He had plans to prosper me?

During my quiet time recently, I was drawn to Ephesians 5:15-17.

“See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.”

What had I been doing over the last twelve months? I had to confess to God that I had not used my time as well as I could have. Yes, I still taught my ladies Sunday school class each week, held a midweek Bible study, attended church, prayed and helped in my support groups. Perhaps it wasn’t what I was doing so much as what I wasn’t doing, that was bothering me.

My days and weeks had become a ‘to do list’ and I had been filling the time rather than redeeming it. I measured the months by going from one treatment to the next, one blood test after another, and side-effects week after week. Was this what I wanted my life to look like? When I was asked (quite frequently), how I was feeling, I put on my strong face and said I was doing okay.

I truly believe in my heart that God is healing me, and I know that I could never walk this road without Him. It was never a matter of not trusting God for healing, and I always praise Him for each victory regardless how small. When I gave my testimony at various venues I made sure to credit God for the joy I had in my heart. I’m eighty years old and feel extremely blessed to have lived to this age. So why did the Holy Spirit bring this Scripture passage to me?

I believe God intends for me to live each day intentionally, on-purpose, and not routinely. Rather than move from one treatment to the next, or one lab report after another, I am to intentionally find God’s plan for the day and focus on that. It involves relationships, sharing, caring, and putting myself out there for others. But what does that look like in real time?

Yesterday I selected some stickers, photos, and fun things to mail to two of my great-granddaughters. I wrote them a short note, telling them I love them and hope they have fun with the stickers. Then I purposely prepared a home-cooked lunch for my husband and I. It was an easy one as I let the oven do most the work, but we enjoyed it. This morning I did the same for two more great-grands. I tried to picture their excitement when they receive it.

Working on getting this blog post written was intentional. I hope it will speak to others who may be going through the motions, checking off their ‘to-do’ list items, and help spur intentional living. It might look like just sending a card to a friend, or calling someone who wasn’t in church. It could be creating a cozy corner as a place to have a quiet time with the Lord. I’m asking God to inspire me daily to live intentionally instead of routinely; to look for opportunities each day to live my faith out loud.

It comes down to having faith, trusting God to handle the treatment plan, tests, and side-effects, and for me to live with joy, doing things that enhance my relationships and putting more color into my life.

How about you? Are you redeeming the time according to God’s plan and purpose for you?

My last post, “What’s Next,” left off with me getting a PET scan after my oncologist saw an elevated tumor marker in my lab work. I was not prepared for what he revealed to me that day in his office.

I stared at the images on the computer, bright colors glaring at me as Dr. P. explained that my prior breast cancer had metastasized into my neck, liver, and sacrum. I could hear him talking but the longer I listened and stared at the images of my diseased organs, the sicker I became. I began sweating and my face flushed quickly. Dr. P. asked if I needed to lay down, to which I shook my head. “I can’t look at this anymore,” I managed to say. “I want to know how we’re going to fix it, get rid of it!”

He changed the computer screen to a page containing my information and proceeded to tell me about the treatment plan he deemed appropriate, assuring me he would do everything possible to give me the best quality of life for as long as possible. When he was through he waited a second and then asked if I had someone in the waiting room. I didn’t bring anyone because I believed the PET scan results would be no big deal. I thanked him and left the room. In the hallway, my legs began to buckle. I couldn’t call my husband. Having Parkinson’s, he doesn’t drive. I had the car and knew I just wanted to get home, but I needed a space of grace; a moment to collect myself. I dialed the number of my friend, Deb, my support group founder. She was a volunteer at the hospital next to my doctor’s office. She showed up in ten minutes.

That was almost one year ago. I survived that August 20th diagnosis day! The biopsy on the tumor in my neck confirmed it was from my previous breast cancer. Treatment began in September and we were optimistic about the success of halting the cancers’s growth.

Unfortunately, a CT scan in December revealed that the treatment I had been on over the four month span of time, was not successful. A new tumor had emerged in my neck, while the others did not shrink. This was a hard place to be.

My faith is strong and I have trusted God through it all. He gave me the strength to endure the first cancer journey, and I have given Him praise every day of my life. I would not be here today without Him. Now I find myself at the age of eighty, with cancer in three places, a treatment plan that failed, and stage four cancer which everyone considers a death warrant. This is a hard place to be.

My first chemo treatment day arrived and as I sat in the chair amid a large number of other people there for various infusions. I turned to God and prayed! “Lord, take away my fear,” I silently cried. “Fear is a very hard place to be.”

I opened my eyes and suddenly I felt peace. I believe God is healing me one day at a time. I have hard days, but I’m no longer in a hard place. All glory is the Lord’s. I praise God for each day He gifts me with, and share His love with all who need to hear of it!

Those who know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior will never have a death warrant served. We will know the joy of eternal life…

Four years ago I began my journey with breast cancer. I learned definitions of words I never heard of before, or anticipated learning about. Complete strangers scheduled my life, dictating medical appointments, drugs and treatments, all in an effort to save my life. It worked! Chemo killed the cancer cells, surgery removed the tumor, and radiation plus an anti-hormone pill served to give me better odds at not having a recurrence.

Three years ago I began a different journey when I completed my active treatment and was placed by my medical team into what is called, survivorship. They would no longer be actively taking care of me; I would have to learn on my own, how to live as a breast cancer survivor. That turned out to be more difficult than it sounded. I had to become my own advocate; researching diet, lifestyle, and emotional resources. Family and friends were there for me, as well as my church. But I came to realize that being in this foreign situation would require much more help.

I joined two support groups in an effort to surround myself with like-minded sisters; women who walked where I’m trodding, and are living where I need to be: not just surviving, but conquering this disease called breast cancer.

I titled this post, “So…What IS Next?” Many women ask this question after finishing breast cancer treatment (or after any major event upends their life). I was toodling along, living life, experiencing joy, serving God, giving back, writing books, being my husband’s caregiver, when “next” appeared.

One month ago I went for my annual mammogram and received a letter saying it was normal. I breathed a sign of relief. Several weeks later I went in for routine bloodwork and then my Oncologist called saying one of my tumor markers was elevated. He ordered a PET scan which will be done this Thursday.

A lump of fear blocked my joy! I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do to prevent recurrence of the big “C” and suddenly I get blind-sided with an elevated C15-3 tumor marker?

This morning I stood up and shook my fist and declared, “NOT TODAY SATAN!” I refuse to allow my joy to be stolen! “What’s next” for me is a PET scan. I will not allow fear to distract me from the joy of the Lord. God brought me through so much over the years and He will bring me through this as well.

Are you at a place in your life where you’re asking, “What’s Next?” Join with me. Stand with me. Let’s shake our fists together and let Satan know that he cannot steal our joy, or cause us to fear. God has this…whatever “this” turns out to be!

This morning I prepared a pot of English Breakfast Tea, poured it into one of my bone china teacups, and settled in for my quiet time with the Lord. I have been a tea enthusiast for almost 30 years, after I came back from England where one of my granddaughters was born. Since then, I learned a great deal about the history of tea and the proper way of preparing it. I was amazed to learn that all true teas come from one plant, the Camellia sinensis.

I’ve heard it said that tea is a journey that takes a lifetime to learn. Although I’ve learned much, I know I haven’t scratched the surface of the many varieties and complexities of tea. Several books on the history and origins of tea have been helpful, but it is a slow process of learning. Still, I pursue and seek out more.

Some time back I transformed a small bedroom in my home, into my private little tearoom. It is home to many teacups I’ve collected and serves as the perfect place to spend quiet time with the Lord. This is where I find myself today, ready to continue my study in 2 Timothy, my two Shih Tzu’s, Chai and Charlotte, nestled by my feet.

I enjoy a long sip of my tea as I turn to 2 Timothy chapter 3. There is so much wisdom in the letter the Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy (and to me), it cannot be absorbed in one sitting. I know that I have so much to learn but I must be intentional about seeking it. Just as my quest to learn about tea, I’m on a lifelong journey to gain spiritual insight and wisdom from God.

I stop sharply at verses 16-17. “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

It says ALL Scripture…not just one book. As in my ongoing search for understanding about tea, I know that seeking godly wisdom will be a lifetime journey. God has given me wisdom through His Word, to make me complete and to equip me for the work He has planned for me.

As I drink the last of my English Breakfast Tea, I close my eyes and meditate on what God has taught me this morning. There are many categories of tea, determined by oxidation, a process through which tea leaves are exposed to the air in order to dry and darken, contributing to the flavor, aroma, and strength of different teas.

Pursuing Christ is a lifelong process through which I will be exposed to different trials and challenges, in order to refine me, and develop my character, to be useful for His purposes. As I read, study, and apply God’s Word to my everyday life, I will take on the aroma of Christ.

There is a popular Christian song that refers to taking back everything that the devil has stolen. Some of the lyrics mention Scripture from John 10:10 (steal, kill, destroy), indicating that the devil is the one Jesus is talking about in that passage. He’s not. Jesus was referring to the false prophets of the day. While I love the song and know that Satan does steal from us, I realized that too often, Christians leave their door unlocked; allowing a thief easy access to the treasures God has provided for those who love Him.

Busyness robs us of intimacy with the One who loves us so much, He took our place on the cross. I think about the way we fill our days so full, there’s no room for time alone with the Lord, or flexible days to minister to others.

We are robbed of the peace Jesus offers, when we choose to spend countless hours worrying over something that may or may not ever come to pass. Stress levels rise, health is affected, and relationships can suffer. Guard your peace by giving your worry to the One who has the solution.

Can our faith be stolen? I believe it can. When we follow after those false prophets, we open the door to thieves with deceitful motives, who launder our minds with counterfeit ideas. Know the truth of God’s word. If you know the truth you will recognize the counterfeit!

A friend whose car was broken into recently said, “Thieves are everywhere!” That may be true, we live in a fallen world. But we have a God who is everywhere. We can turn to Him and take back our overloaded calendars, have our peace restored and find the truth that sets us free! How? By pursuing Jesus! Allow Him to plan our days, give Him our burdens, and study God’s Word with a passion. Take back what has been missing and see how different your life can be.

My daughter, Kathleen, has quilted a myriad of quilts through her adult life. An assortment of fabric pieces in an array of colors and shapes, gets transformed into a quilted story, treasured keepsake, and work of art. Her perception of light, hues, and arrangement, lends depth to her projects, turning them into beautiful masterpieces.

Kathleen quilts for pleasure not money. She has never sold a quilt, but has generously made and given away her works of art. Her children and husband have also been recipients of her talent. She has taught other children basic quilting, thereby passing on this classic craft to future generations.

Whether it’s pieces of fabric or the pieces of our lives; when we put them in the loving hands and control of someone proficient in putting them together perfectly, the result is a thing of beauty.

A pile of fabric scraps looks hopeless to someone without sewing capabilities, and certainly many such heaps get tossed out, given up on, and seen as useless.

A person’s life, when wrong choices were made, indulgences promoted, or addictions encouraged, may look hopeless to those around. They may be ignored, shunned, or given up on and seen as losers.

Just as a seasoned quilter can turn scraps into treasures; God can take the seemingly useless pieces of a person’s life and create a new life, through the power of His Son, Jesus Christ. He looks at the pieces we have scattered about and sees a finished piece that delights Him. When we hand those odd-shaped shards, those worn out areas, and faded dreams, He holds them, forgives us, and transforms our lives according to His purposes. God doesn’t charge a price, He lovingly gives us Eternity with Him as a gift.

Those who received a quilt from my daughter, are grateful for the gift she gave out of love. We should be grateful to God for the gift He gave because of His unconditional love for us. Will you accept the free gift God offers you? He paid the price for it…He gave His only Son so that we might have eternal life.

I love serving my Lord and have tried to do it faithfully, even during some of my most difficult challenges. I fall short many times and even though I consider myself a strong woman who walks by faith, I came to a point recently when I fell to my knees at the altar and cried out to God that my legs were too weak to continue.

This past spring my husband was showing signs of confusion and seemed to have trouble processing things he’d always done well…including his ability to work up bids for jobs coming into our woodworking shop. We finally saw several doctors and the official diagnosis is Parkinson’s disease with dementia! The tremors in his left hand make it impossible for him to use machinery, and his balance issues prohibit him from being in the shop. We decided at age 81, it was time for him to retire and we wanted to sell the business.

A potential buyer approached us and although the process of finalizing things seemed to be dragging on, we were close to signing in early October. Then, our only employee who had been running the shop for us, developed heart trouble and was hospitalized for a week. The buyer decided that without him, he couldn’t go forward with the deal and he backed out, leaving us in a dire situation. We had no jobs coming in, a lease payment coming up, and no employee to do any prospective jobs. We used our small savings to pay the November lease on the shop, plus other bills associated with it.

We began thinking we would have to let the landlord keep the equipment to cover the remaining 5 months of our lease. I kept praying and pleading with others to pray on our behalf. I posted my prayer needs on my Prayer team page and asked my “Tribe” of prayer warriors to ask God to send help from the sanctuary. Stress takes it’s toll. I was worrying about our employee, our business demise, my husband, how we could possibly make it on just our social security, and then my youngest daughter went to the hospital with infection in her lungs. She had asthmatic breathing difficulty and nodules on her lungs. More time in prayer! My hair was falling out! I couldn’t sleep!

Two weeks ago, I went to the altar before Sunday school and in the quiet of the sanctuary, I knelt, cried and prayed. I felt a hand on my right shoulder, and a sweet sister began praying. Soon I felt a hand on my left shoulder, and saw my pastor kneel next to me as he prayed. We prayed and cried together.

Last week another potential buyer approached us and after several meetings and discussions, we arrived at an agreement. Even though we are taking a loss, we will be out from under the financial pressure of the lease and monthly bills. We will also have some money to supplement our social security, as we learn to live with less. God knew all along, who the buyer would be. God gets the glory as He strengthened my weakened spiritual legs, and infused me with His power. We hope to sign papers before Thanksgiving, and then we can begin a new chapter in our lives.

My daughter was finally released from the hospital and is recovering at home. Our employee was released from the hospital and is building up his strength. Nick is taking meds to lessen his tremors and slow the memory loss. I’ve increased my biotin to stave off more hair loss, and I’m sleeping better. The last thoughts I have as my head settles on my pillow, is a reciting of a chapter I memorized last spring; Psalm 8.

Even strong believers can get weak spiritual legs as they walk by faith! Circumstances and unexpected challenges can send you reeling. But God…can over-ride any and all situations as He works for good in your life, and nothing can thwart His plans! I love Habakkuk 3:17-18. Yet I will rejoice in God my Savior! Even in my weakened spiritual condition, I praised God for being there with me, carrying me through it all. I rejoiced because I didn’t have to carry the burden alone! Neither do you. If you are facing challenges beyond your ability to deal with them, kneel and cry out to God for help. He is waiting to hear from you.

During the course of our lives we walk through many doorways (try counting yours for just one day). Of course, I’m not talking about those doorways. I’m referring to the kind which are a recognition of a passage from one stage of life to another. They involve both an inner and outer transformation, and once you walk through it, you cannot go back.

This morning I sat quietly, sipping my English Breakfast tea, thinking about how different my life is now, compared to just a few years ago. The doorway of breast cancer, which I walked through in 2020, changed me both inside and out. It’s a doorway moment where I became a survivor, but can never go back through it and undo the cancer.

I thought about other doorway moments in my life and how God walked through them with me. Each stage of my life involves moving from one place to another. No, not a U-Haul move (although I’ve had my share of those), but a life experience move. Marriage, having children, divorce, losing loved ones, jobs, and so many more, brought about change.

I’m now in my “Golden Years,” and facing multiple doorway moments. I can’t figure out how I arrived at this age so quickly, but here I am. I want to make the best of this time; getting and staying healthy, being productive, helping others, and so much more. Some things I can do and some are not mine to control. That’s where faith comes in.

The time is approaching for my husband to stop working and that is a doorway moment for both of us. We have our own business and he, at the age of 81 and with declining health, has left the physical part of running the shop to our employee. I still manage the paperwork and oversee things, but it weighs heavily on my mind. We can’t close down until the end of April, when our lease is up. This is a huge doorway moment, one that I’m trusting God to take us through. We must have work and make ends meet over the next 10 months.

There will always be doorway moments in our lives. We can choose to walk through them alone, or we can allow God to usher us through them. Earlier in my young life I went through them alone. God had plans for me and without my knowing the Savior, He protected me. Those doorway moments served to draw me to Him. Now each one I walk through serve to help me draw others to Him.

What doorway moment have you recently walked through? If you have never trusted Jesus Christ as your Savior, why not call on Him now, and ask Him to help you in this stage of your life.

I love the analogy of my life being a book with many chapters. As a writer, I try to keep the reader turning the pages by leaving a bit of a cliff hanger at the end of each chapter. I’m hoping it will draw them excitedly back to the story, chapter after chapter. I want them to be eager to see what happens next.

My life has many chapters to it. Not just the usual; birth, childhood, adolescence, young adult, marriage, etc., but trauma, love, searching, transformation, and so much more. There are different genres in my life as well. Romance, cozy mystery, adventure, drama, spirituality, and humor, all serve to keep me turning the pages to find out what comes next.

The book of my life (and yours), can only be read one day at a time, as it’s being written. I’m not promised tomorrow. As I think back to previous chapters, I recall times when I was so tired of the drama, fearful of the next day, or worried about the outcome, that I didn’t want to turn the page. I wanted to skip over the bad parts and move to the good stuff! We can do that in a book, although we would miss important parts.

Our world today seems broken and though many think they can add their solution to the chapter, there is only one who can provide the correct answer; God! Amid the tragedies and turmoils in our country, we must place our faith and trust in the Lord, Jesus Christ. Only when we allow Him to enter in and lead our country, will we experience life as it was meant to be lived. We may be left with a cliff hanger day occasionally, and some chapters may be sad and difficult, but if we know the Author, Jesus Christ, we have confidence that the ending will be good!

I’m looking forward to the next chapter of my life. Whatever adventure God has for me, I’m assured that He will live it with me. He will introduce me to strangers, provide me with new experiences, and teach me important principles of life. My life has purpose and with God leading the way, I can make a difference. I read His Book, chapter by chapter, and I know how it ends!