Whether it’s the cancer/chemo combo, the toe/finger neuropathy, or mental work on book three/cancer devotional work in progress, I am suffering with insomnia once again while Chai enjoys a good night’s sleep. It’s after midnight as I type. Laying in bed awake for almost two hours exhausted me. I prayed for those I know in need of prayer, including myself. I winced at the pain in my toes and fingers, and then mentally extracted a scene from book three, while sketching in a replacement that made connection. I finally gave up the thought of falling asleep, left the sound of my husband’s breathing, and padded my way to my recliner. Wide awake now for sure.
I look at the security cameras and admit the weather people didn’t get it right. The predicted overnight storm is nowhere around. They are all asleep apparently. No rain, wind or thunder. Am I the only one awake tonight? The only storm I’m experiencing is the one within me. Sorting through my thoughts I’m thankful I’m secure in a safe place. Like Chai on his “blankie,” I’m protected and loved. I have all I need. Why then does my mind wrestle with sleep? Why can’t it shut down long enough for me to slip into slumber for a few hours?
I finished chemo one week ago today, and the drugs shooting through my cells are still doing their intended job. Keeping me from a good night’s sleep seems to still be one of them. I wiggle my toes to relieve pain, and tap gently on the keyboard of my iPad to avoid pressure on my fingertips. The physical maladies can’t be avoided.
My writing WIP serve to ease my mind of pain and instead cause anxiety that I might forget what I wrote mentally. Getting up and jotting down notes seems to make sense but further widens my eyes and stimulates my mind.
Help me Lord, to lift my eyes up to You. Bring calm to my brain cells and slow my body down. Unravel the nerve-endings in my toes and tamp the soreness in my fingertips. Bring me to a relaxed place on a “blankie” of my own where You keep me safe and I know I’m covered with Your love as I fall into a blessed slumber.